069: Reducing the impact of intergenerational trauma

  Do you ever snap at your child over tiny things, and wonder where that intense anger comes from? You're not alone - and there's actually a scientific explanation for why this happens.   What you're experiencing might be intergenerational trauma - the way traumatic experiences and their effects get passed down from parents to children, often without us even realizing it. But here's the hopeful part: understanding how this works is the first step to breaking the cycle.   In this episode, I talk with Dr. Rebecca Babcock-Fenerci, a clinical psychologist from Stonehill College who researches exactly how trauma transmits across generations and what we can do about it. She explains the science behind the reasons our brains react so strongly to certain parenting situations, and why some survivors seem to come through trauma unscathed while others struggle daily. Most importantly, she helps us to examine some of the ways we can recognize the impact of this trauma on ourselves. And with this awareness and the right tools, we can heal these patterns and create the calm, connected relationships with our children that we've always wanted.   Questions This Episode Will Answer What is the definition of intergenerational trauma? Dr. Babcock-Fenerci explains that intergenerational trauma occurs when parents who experienced trauma pass both the direct traumatic experiences and the psychological consequences (like PTSD, mood disorders, and disrupted attachment) to their children through various mechanisms including genetics, epigenetics, and parenting behaviors.   How is trauma actually passed down through generations? Trauma transmits through multiple pathways: genetic predisposition, epigenetic changes (where experiences turn genes on or off), trauma-related thought patterns in parents, and when children serve as unconscious trauma reminders that trigger the parent's unprocessed emotions and memories.   Why do some trauma survivors seem fine while others struggle a lot more? Individual responses vary based on genetic predisposition, personality differences, other life stressors, and the severity/duration of the trauma. Even siblings in the same family can have completely different outcomes due to these complex interactions between genetics and environment.   Should parents talk to their children about their trauma history? The answer lies between two extremes - never talking about it can prevent healing, while over-sharing inappropriately can cause vicarious trauma. Parents should consider the child's developmental stage, let children's questions guide conversations, and think through the purpose and potential impact before sharing.   What are common anger triggers for parents with trauma history? Parents often get triggered by situations that unconsciously remind them of their own childhood experiences - like children repeating behaviors, not listening, or general parenting situations that activate old trauma memories. The key is gaining insight into why these specific situations cause such intense reactions.   How can parents recognize if their trauma is affecting their children? Warning signs include behavior problems, mood issues, anxiety, conflict in the parent-child relationship, or when a parent notices their own emotional reactions seem disproportionate to the situation. These may indicate intergenerational trauma transmission.   What can parents do to break the cycle of family trauma? Processing involves gaining insight into triggers, understanding where intense emotions come from, seeking therapy when needed, learning emotional regulation techniques like taking breaths during triggered moments, and...