9 Mistakes With How Asian Parents Raise Children
Will Chou's Personal Development Show Podcast - A podcast by Will Chou: Blogger and Podcaster
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I used to think my Chinese American parents were perfect growing up.
They had come to the United States as immigrants with only a couple hundred dollars and worked their way up to a middle-class income. Plus, Asian students as a whole had great reputation for being doing well in school and getting into prestigious universities. In my eyes, they were successful. So how could they be wrong with any of their advice?
After contrasting how Asian immigrants parented with the hundreds of the world’s most successful people, I realized that they are doing fundamental things wrong.
Disclaimer: These are generalizations, which I must do — so of course, there are exceptions to the rule. Stereotypes exist because most of the people profiled fulfill them. I’ve had a first row seat to observing this first hand with many of my Asian peers.
1. They pressure their child into a profession that they’re not passionate about (doctor/lawyer/engineer)
The cliche from Middle Eastern, Indian, and Asian Americans you hear is that in this culture, if you’re not a doctor, lawyer, or engineer, you’re a failure to your parents.
These cultures do a fantastic job of creating children who work in these professions. I know a eerily large percentage of Asian peers who are in or finishing up med school, law school, or vet school. Or they’re an engineer.
The issue is how high this percentage is. I know deep down that there’s no way that so many of them are actually passionate about these careers.
I thought I was passionate about being a doctor but it was a lie that I had convinced myself to belief.
Part of me is proud that they’re all going to live well in a comfortable profession. But a larger part of me feels disappointed that many will fail to reach their potential in life because of the rigidity of these jobs. How many potential billionaire entrepreneurs, athletes, and world leaders were stifled away from that path?
2. They expect too much out of their children
Many successful people had parents that helped them believe that they could achieve anything.
While we can definitely do more than we think, it’s another thing entirely to burn out and traumatize your child by demanding and expecting too much constantly.
Only a fraction of children are genetically talented enough to succeed in the academic playing field Asian parents want. Even if these child prodigies succeed, they end up with psychological issues in adulthood because of their lack of a childhood (like Mozart or Michael Jackson).
Some Asian American children have developed a dislike for science, math, technology, and studying because it was forced upon them so harshly and was imprinted as a “chore.” They were never let be on their own to discover how these activities could be fun.
While other kids went on vacation, I got heaps of textbooks to go through in the Summer to get ahead every year. I did what I could, but it was usually unenjoyable.
Look at me now. I’m blossoming through books on history, science, and peak performance that I choose to read on my own accord. That’s only because I was given years of my own time later in life to do what I want and I stumbled across people who showed how they could be fun and useful.
The biggest problem with expecting too much from your kids is that it creates a hole that can never be filled. Children naturally want to make their parents proud, but many Asian American parents make it impossible. This can manifest into superficial validation-seeking behavior into adulthood. They can constantly seek more money, status, or success but never feel happy or fulfilled. They can have fragile self-esteem because their gratification is based entirely on the external.
3. They under-praise and under-reward
The billionaires,