MIDLIFE BODY CONFIDENCE. Let's talk about the paradox of embracing & changing - 45

LET'S TALK MIDLIFE BODY CONFIDENCE.Throughout my journey back home to me I have played around A LOT with my external appearance.You see, years ago (when my internal programming of self-hate was running the show) I had many surgeries to change how I looked. These include:🪞Nose job🪞Eye surgery🪞Lip filler🪞Botox🪞Boob job, 2 enlargements, first ones were 300 cc, then 600 cc!🪞Then boob uplift and smaller implants.🪞Liposuction on my tummy area.Did any of this make me happy?YES, for a small brief period. Then, after the initial excitement disappeared, I wanted more.I was having twice weekly blow-outs (cos I hated my curly hair), fake nails, and eyelash extensions.And I was hooked on clean eating (dieting) and beasting my body in the gym (even when I was exhausted).I was chasing perfection.And perfection is something we will never achieve.It is always just out of our reach.Tempting and teasing us to JUST TRY one more thing to get there.It’s exhausting and left me feeling despondent.As I car-crashed into my 40’s (after 2 mental breakdowns) I realised what I was doing to myself DID NOT WORK.There are many layers to my story of transformation and I will not be able to do them justice in this short piece of writing, yet I wanted to share some of the insights I have discovered about my relationship with my body.Over the last 12 years, I have explored how I can create a softer, more harmonious relationship with this body I have hated for most of my life.♥️I stopped wearing make-up. Then started wearing it again, yet I’m happy with or without make-up now.♥️I stopped having blow-outs and embraced my natural curls. I must admit; I adore my curly red hair.♥️I stopped dying my hair and allowed the greys to come through. Then decided I preferred my hair red, so continue to colour my hair.♥️I stopped having my nails and eyelashes done and I prefer myself without them.♥️I considered getting more liposuction and even went to a couple of doctors to talk about the procedure. When a top London plastic surgeon told me I needed a tummy tuck instead, I decided no, that’s not the route I wanted to go.♥️In the last 12 years my weight has gone up, down, up, down then up, up, up and then down, down, down. At ALL times I have been committed to loving the fuck out of my body as she is. Because I understand that weight is a by-product of my current life circumstances.At my heaviest I was going through a divorce, working really hard, drinking booze, stressed the fuck out and wasn’t exercising regularly. At my lowest I had completely transformed my life (moved to Turkey), eliminated most of my external stressors, went back to the gym, started weight training again, stopped drinking booze, ate frugally, and slept a lot.WEIGHT IS NEVER AS SIMPLE AS CALORIES IN/CALORIES OUT. ESPECIALLY IN PERIMENOPAUSE.👉🏻We live in funny world where we are told (as women) we need to:‼️ACCEPT OUR BODIES‼️ALLOW OUR BODIES TO AGE GRACEFULLY‼️CHANGE OUR BODIES‼️DO ANYTHING WE CAN TO STOP THE AGEING PROCESS‼️STOP PUTTING OUR VALUE ON OUR EXTERNAL APPEARANCE‼️OUR VALUE IS BASED UPON OUR EXTERNAL APPEARANCE‼️CHANGE OUR APPEARANCE TO BE DESIRABLE AND SEXY‼️STOP FOCUSING ON OUR APPEARANCE‼️BE A DIFFERENT SIZE/SHAPE THAN WE ARE‼️EMBRACE OUR SIZE/SHAPE AS WE ARE‼️DON’T HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY‼️HAVE PLASTIC SURGERYCan you see how confusing this all is?And can you see that ALL of these are outside influences that (unless you bring awareness to them) weave their insidious way inside your mind and torment you with their mixed messages?LIFE IS A PARADOX.YOU ARE A PARADOX.I AM A PARADOX.I will openly admit to being still affected by societal conditioning, yet...