How to Use a Reward Chart

Not all reward sticker charts are created equal. In today's episode, I'm going to explain how to use a reward chart effectively--and I will also explain why we don't use them very often.







How to Use a Reward Chart



When I was five-years-old, I was terrified of putting my head underwater in the pool. Swimming without putting your head and face in the water is particularly difficult. So my mother approached me with a bribe: If you put your head underwater, I will give you an Italian Ice (anyone remember those cups of frozen ice? I loved those). I really wanted this special treat, so I did it.



That's all it took.One day. I put my head underwater in the pool and it changed my summer. My fear was gone and I got to fully immerse myself in the pool and enjoy swimming with my friends.



Fast forward 30 years. I have two of my own kids and that day with the Italian Ice sticks out in my mind. With my own kids, I am not a proponent of bribing them to do anything. But I do recognize the value of using powerful, tangible rewards to motivate certain behavior.



In fact, long before I had children I was trained in traditional methods of rewards-and-consequences to manage behavior (when I say traditional, I mean things like "Time-Outs" and Reward Charts). After I started my own parenting journey, I knew that this old school approach to raising children wasn't the right fit for me. That's when I found positive parenting.



As an advocate for positive parenting, I believe that developing good behavior in our children comes from having a strong bond and relationship with them. When it comes to discipline, I rely on that life-long bond and I lead by example. To use a golf analogy, positive parenting is more about the long game and focusing on the big picture. The long drives are important to get you to the green.



But the short game is important too. Using the wedge to get you up out of a sand trap, honing your putting skills to get you into the hole. That's why I sometimes pull from my more traditional rewards-and-consequences tools as well. I have found that when used intentionally, they can help to make our days flow more smoothly. I think there is absolutely potential to combine a positive parenting approach with effective tools and strategies to help you get through the most challenging days--in fact.



How to Use a Sticker Chart



Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. If they don't work, they probably aren't being used correctly. Yes, there is a wrong and right way to use a reward chart. If used correctly they can be incredibly effective. In my six years of parenting, I have used a reward chart exactly twice. Although I choose not to rely on them often, both times were an overwhelming success.



Here's the story: My son had been in swimming lessons for about a year. The progress was very slow. He wouldn't put his head underweater. His teacher has told me that he has all the skills and he's very capable, but his fear is preventing progress. And y'all, swimming lessons are expensive.



I was a scared kid myself, so I fully recognize how real these types of fears are. But channeling my Italian Ice days, my mom instincts told me that he had the potential to push through it and thrive. Therefore, together with my non-swimmer, we created a sticker/reward chart to increase motivation.



I let him pick a toy he wanted (he chose Blades, a Rescue Bot). Then I told him we would make four trips to the pool, and each time if he jumped into the water by himself, he would get a sticker for the day.