45. It’s Not The “What” But The “Why” with Parenting Coach Stephanie Sotelo

On today’s episode, I’m excited to welcome my good friend and colleague, Stephanie Sotelo, who also happens to be my backup parenting coach. Stephanie blows my mind over and over again as we talk about accessing our “Whys” as parents, and tapping into our values, which act as our compass on this journey and give us the courage to hold firm in our parenting choices when others may question them. We explain how knowing your “Why” can help you understand yourself better as a parent, as well as your partner and even other parents who may have the same “What,” but a different “Why.” We also discuss the ways your “Why” can change over time, and the importance of finding your own authentic voice in a world where so many other opinions are thrown at you. We talk about choosing connection with your child above all else, encouraging your child to advocate for themselves and find their own strong voice, and why authenticity, confidence, and consistency are your most important tools as a parent. Thank you for your listening, and I appreciate your patronage more than I can say. For more information on my potty training and parenting resources, please visit the links below. You can also visit Stephanie Sotelo’s website at www.StephanieSotelo.com or on Instagram @consciousparentcoach.   The Finer Details of This Episode: Your values are your compass as to how you’re going to parent (for example, with sports, commitment is very important or it may just be about being social) It’s a bit more difficult for dads to access those emotions and tap into their “Why” But knowing your “Why” and being strong in your values gives you courage Stephanie values respect and manners for her son, but also wants him to be able to advocate for himself and be able to tell other adults when he feels uncomfortable with something It’s not the “What” but the “Why” - Parents have different “Whys” and this is why we judge each other, even when we have the same “What” (for example, two different parents may agree that children need an allowance, but one implements this to help teach money management while another may be trying to teach their child about work ethic) Encouraging kids to advocate for themselves versus being disrespectful Parents can also practice finding their own voice, which can help you sort it out from all the other voices that can be overwhelming in the gentle parenting world Doing parallel chores can help you connect while actually getting a few things done Kids really enjoy playing with everyday items like tape or simply running water on the tap If you’re constantly looking at other people’s lives and not your own, this is where things get lost and you feel like you’re on shaky ground It’s important to honor your voice and adjust based on what works for you As a parenting coach, we cannot give an exact script that will work every time as it will always depend on your ‘Why’ Authenticity and confidence are huge - when you have that confidence and courage, kids are more likely to listen to the boundaries  Pick your hill to die on, and if you’re going to cave, cave early and be authentic to what it is you really want to do It’s also important to keep your child’s age and developmental stage in mind, and shift your expectations for them accordingly We all feel like we want to be perfect, and we all see the “What” out there in the world on social media, but the “Why” is so much more important   Links: Jamie’s Homepage - www.jamieglowacki.com Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler -  https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Stephanie Sotelo’s Homepage www.stephaniesotelo.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices