18. Expectations

It’s possible for parental expectations to be too high AND too low. You’ll have some parents keen on getting their little ones to read and write before they’re even in kindergarten while insisting they’re not yet emotionally able to comprehend big changes like moving homes. Social media plays a big role in perpetrating unrealistic expectations, with sponsored ads on Facebook and other platforms skewing these expectations even further. In the end, what your toddler can or cannot do most often boils down to what they have the cognitive capacity for—again, their little brains are still developing! In this episode, Jamie lays out the difficult truth about tantrums, breaks down what your little one may or may not be capable of doing at their age, and gets real about the unfortunate aspect of parenting you’re just going to have to come to terms with. The Finer Details of This Episode:   Are you expecting your kid to listen the first time you tell them to do something? That’s expecting way too much for their age. There’s no way to really talk your kid out of a tantrum once they’ve already built up enough steam; you’re going to have to accept it and ride it out. Your little one has only started to grasp basic concepts like “object permanence;” logic isn’t going to work on them. You can use “emotion charts” to help your child understand the complex emotions they’re beginning to feel, but understand they really don’t have the ability to control their emotions. Individuation: the important psychological development that explains why your toddler doesn’t care what you think about how they’re acting. Parenting can just suck at this age, and accepting that is essential for parenting well. It’s important to set boundaries, but even more important to understand that your little one will work their hardest to test those boundaries. Just as it’s possible to start kids on certain skills too early, it can be too late to get them potty-trained—or at least too late to get them potty-trained without massive resistance. What Jamie learned from witnessing a ritual dance by a local native tribe. A list of skills and techniques you can expect your toddler to have a handle on. Your kid is way more capable of handling serious discussion than you may think.   Quotes: “There is no way to stop a tantrum mid-tantrum.” “Shame is huge and our children can’t handle it.” “Nobody has it all together, and if they do, I dunno, they’re living a very inauthentic life.” “Don’t have this expectation that the whole world is doing it well and you’re not. Everybody’s having a hard time.” “We hold [the boundary] so that the child can learn.” “We expect these kids to be so compliant and yet we also underestimate them at every single turn.” “If there’s a pink elephant in your house, I can assure you that your child has noticed it.”   Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/  Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler [Get my new book] -  https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices