7 Lessons From Loss

Party People, welcome to Season 2 of the My Divine Life Podcast! If you are new here, you need to know that here at My Divine Life, we empower ourselves with enough courage to divinely design every aspect of our lives the way God purposed it to be.   The last episode of Season 1 was all about saying goodbye to 2020. It was a rough year, no doubt, but without mess, we won’t get to the point of positive change. And I think we can all agree that positive change is needed and hopefully on its way. But now with the first episode of Season 2, we’re discussing a somber topic - grief and loss. As mentioned in previous episodes, I lost my daughter, Ryen as an infant and January is sometimes a very difficult time of year for me as the anniversary of her passing. But over the years, I have learned a lot of lessons from experiencing loss and it is important to me that they be shared.    So, listen on today for the seven lessons I learned from loss. This episode is a reminder that if you are experiencing grief, you are not alone, but it is also a guide for those who are supporting someone in grief. No matter what, give yourselves grace and keep these seven lessons in mind. Show Notes: [1:10] - Welcome back! Last episode was all about saying goodbye to 2020 and while it was a rough year, Jameelah views the times we are in as a time of change and reckoning. [2:34] - Without mess, you won’t get to the point of positive change. [2:49] - Jameelah references and highly recommends a book called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. She shares an analogy that she keeps in her mind during times of change. [4:26] - Jameelah initially had planned on taking the entire month of January off as it is the anniversary of the death of her daughter, Ryen. [5:34] - Instead of taking the month off, today’s episode is all about the lessons Jameelah has learned over time in her healing journey. [6:00] - Lesson 1 is that grief comes in waves. It won’t go away. Some years are better than others. [6:57] - There is a certain level of growth that God wanted Jameelah to achieve and her daughter has played an intricate part in that without being present. [7:47] - Grief is not meant to “get over.” You have to develop skills to manage and deal with grief because it will always be there in some way. [8:43] - Lesson 2 is that you have to deal with grief. You can’t run from it. Jameelah received a lot of bad advice from well-meaning people who had not been in her shoes. [10:01] - For those who are with someone who is experiencing grief, you have to sit there in it with them. Trying to take their mind off of it is not helpful but you can try to do things that will bring them joy. [11:18] - Even for those who have experienced miscarriages or stillbirths, even though you did not experience a life with them, does not mean that they did not exist.  [11:51] - Through grief, many people tend to try to make people feel comfortable around them when they themselves feel very uncomfortable. [12:24] - When people ask how many kids she has, Jameelah includes Ryen in her count. She doesn’t shy away from talking about her daughter because she won’t disrespect her as if she didn’t exist. [13:28] - Jameelah and her family continue to celebrate her daughter’s birthday and remember her on the anniversary of her death. This is lesson 3: to celebrate their life and existence. [15:01] - When life doesn't go as planned, it can send you to a really bad place. Jameelah does not attach herself to plans anymore to protect herself from grief. [16:11] - If you feel like you need to cry and mourn and that is a part of your process, then you need to do that. You don’t have to grieve in anyone else’s way.  [17:21] - Lesson 4 is that money does not make things easier or fixes anything when it comes to grief and loss. [19:15] - When Ryen passed, she received a lot of sympathy even from people who did not seem to like her. But sympathy fades over time. [21:17] - Lesson 5 is that people are doing the best that they can to help. They don’t know it all and we can’t expect them to know how to deal with your situation. They will make mistakes but they mean well. [22:27] - Jameelah recalls how shortly after her Ryen’s death, she told a childhood friend who did not listen to her news and asked her how the baby was. Jameelah removed that person from her life for many years. [25:53] - For those who are a support system for someone who is grieving, you just need to make sure that you are there. You are not there to fix problems. [26:35] - Lesson 6 is not to rush for the cause. Jameelah shares how she started a non-profit that she doesn’t regret, but she rushed to helping others. She was wrapped up into helping others and ignoring herself which caused marital problems and more depression. [28:38] - You don’t have to be a voice for others or wear your grief as a badge. Give yourself time and grace. [30:07] - The last lesson Jameelah offers is for the couples experiencing loss. Marriage is already hard and throwing in losing a child means the odds are stacked against you. [30:50] - Because they knew the statistics of failed marriages after the loss of a child, Jameelah and her husband clung to each other and did everything together. [31:26] - Over time, Jameelah realized that since grief comes in waves, those waves weren’t hitting her and her husband at the same times. There were things they needed to learn on their own. [32:18] - Be okay with going on your grief journey alone with your support system near you. Everyone is going through different things at different times and not everyone will have the capacity to go through it with you every step of the way.   Links and Resources: Listen on Apple Podcasts Listen on Spotify Listen on Libsyn Listen on Podnews Jameelah Davis on Instagram

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The goal of the My Divine Life Podcast is to create a community of women empowered with enough courage to purpose-fully design the lives they love. Women who are choosing courage over comfort by facing their fears and limitations and overcoming them by Divinely Designing their life by using Jameelah Davis’ own life design method: THE CASE METHOD. The CASE method is a thoughtfully and skillfully designed framework that provides a road map for individuals to Design the Life They Love. The CASE method consists of 4 Life design steps. These life design steps provide a holistic approach to honestly assessing your personal challenges and forging the tools you need to redirect your focus and change the course of your life. The CASE method is transformational. TRANSFORM YOUR PERSPECTIVE TRANSFORM YOUR SPACE TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE!